the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
