I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
