this beer tastes like vomit already
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
