he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
