Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
