We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
