people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
