Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
