Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
