I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
