it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
