Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
