Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
