remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
