Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
