ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
