This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
