Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
