I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
