her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
