Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize