YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
