You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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