brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
