he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's just like the Real World with babies
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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