So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
