I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
