Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
