i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
