Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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