I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
