My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
