i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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