Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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