as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just blew my weed a kiss
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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