doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
