Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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