this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He felt like a one man threesome
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
