I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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