you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
