I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Four minutes until I can fart!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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