So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
