Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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