I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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