and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize