After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
