Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The Olympian is in my bed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
