Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
