I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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