Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
