I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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