It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
