Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There r osticjed everywhere
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
