i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
