your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
