note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
