is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
