Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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