you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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