I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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