I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
