and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
