Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
