I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
