The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize