She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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