The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Michael Bay diarrhea
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
