threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
