During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
