If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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