kristin has been a bad kristin
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
