Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
