I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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