yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize